There's a great used bookstore around the corner from my place in North Hollywood that has a huge pile of random books for $2. It's normally filled with "Idiot's Guides to..." and Steve Guttenberg autobiographies, but during my last visit, I stumbled upon this oddity:

I've never considered being a soldier or administering first aid to one, but out of curiosity I cracked this to see what was inside. I'm glad I did, because the instructional drawings within allowed me to create a fantastic new game the whole family can play.

FIRST AID OR GAY PORN?

Let's begin...

ROUND 1:

Whatever this is, it's passionate.

ROUND 2:

Not entirely sure what the medical benefits are here.

ROUND 3:

This one's called the "tickle hump."

ROUND 4:

Time to get some buddies involved.

ROUND 5:

Whether they're saving his life or having sex with him, you'd think they'd be a little more excited about it.

ROUND 6:

Now things are getting freaky.

ROUND 7:

They say the best way to resuscitate a man is by nibbling on his ear lobe.

ROUND 8:

Whether this is first aid or a sexual move, it should be administered with a "Shhh..." sound and followed shortly thereafter with an "Mmmmm...." noise.

FINAL ROUND:

C'mon.

IN CONCLUSION

I know a lot of people are upset with the idea of homosexuals serving in the military, but let's be honest -- the military was already a kinda gay place.